What to Say to Your Child’s Teacher About Anxiety and Focus

The conversation most parents dread — made easier.

You know your child better than anyone. You’ve watched them struggle, you’ve done the research, you’ve tried the strategies. And now you need the school to be part of the solution.

This conversation is hard. You don’t want to be “that parent.” You’re not sure what to ask for. You’re worried about labels. You’re scared they’ll dismiss you.

Here’s how to have the conversation effectively.

Before the Meeting

Write down your observations — not your conclusions

Rather than “my child has anxiety,” write down what you’ve observed: “She cries every morning before school. She complains of stomach aches before tests. She’s been asked to present in class and refused.”

Observations are harder to dismiss than diagnoses. They’re also more useful — because they describe the actual impact on your child’s school experience.

Know what you’re asking for

Don’t go to the meeting without a clear request. Vague conversations produce vague outcomes. Come with specific asks:

– A quiet space they can go to when overwhelmed

– A named adult who knows what’s happening

– Advance warning of tests or changes to routine

– Permission to use fidget tools in class

– Extra time for written work

In the Meeting

Lead with the impact, not the diagnosis

“My child is struggling to engage in class because she’s spending so much mental energy managing her anxiety. I want to work with you to help her access the curriculum.”

That framing — collaborative, focused on the child’s access to learning — is very hard for a school to push back on.

Ask questions, don’t demand

“What strategies do you already use for children who struggle with transitions?” “What does the school’s approach look like for a child who needs a sensory break?” Questions invite partnership. Demands invite defensiveness.

After the Meeting

Follow up with a brief email summarising what was agreed. Schools deal with dozens of children and conversations. A written record protects your child.

AFFILIATE LINK PLACEHOLDER — Understood.org School Support Guide — print and bring to meeting: [INSERT SCHOOL SUPPORT GUIDE AFFILIATE LINK HERE]

AFFILIATE LINK PLACEHOLDER — The Anxious Child at School — parent and teacher resource: [INSERT SCHOOL ANXIETY BOOK AFFILIATE LINK HERE]

Get our free school support letter template — download it here.